just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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