used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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