I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
