Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
