Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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