I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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