is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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