What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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