I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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