Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
