THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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