You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
