we have officially lost it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
