Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
