he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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