I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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