oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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