where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
