Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
