Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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