Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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