how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm at about main and main street
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
