Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
