My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
