Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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