Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i came on her dog
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
