so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
