Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
