I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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