He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
