lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk is a universal language darling
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
