Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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