It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
