I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize