So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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