just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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