I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
