you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
