I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
