life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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