What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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