Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
