remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
as a side note pls kill me
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