please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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