I can feel you judging me through the phone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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