Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i came on her dog
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
