We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
