True but thats because hes a fetus.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
