she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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