i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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