Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
