He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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