Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think people are normalizing furries
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