she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
