oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
