is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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