i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
