wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wear drunk well.
Randomize