all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
