um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize