he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
