nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got inside last night via doggy door
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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