Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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