It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The air was thick with penises
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
