I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
