Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
