You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
