no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
